Hey, i miss you

Hey, I miss you again. It seems to me that these strange emotions are gradually growing and I just can't resist it. So, in order to speak out loud all of these screams inside, I have decided to complete this post in English since it is much easier to describe my feelings for you. 

Hey, don't get me wrong. I still have things to do, I still go out every day trying to find something new, something that I haven't experienced before. However, these feelings keep haunting me every night whenever I go to sleep and every morning whenever I wake up. I dearly miss you. I know that you're now so packed with your jobs, projects and your own private life that you rarely have time for anything else. So I step aside and don't bother you like before since I know my position now. 

These feelings are killing me inside. I do not have the right to say this, but I'm afraid of losing you. I have wasted two years thinking that I would not fall in love with anyone else until I had a clear depiction of my future, and then I found you. You've changed everything. You're something that is not involved in my plan, something unexpected. Then I lost you, like everyone else coming across my pitiful life. Funny, isn't it? I'm so terrified of losing someone who doesn't belong to me in the first place. 

Well, what a nostalgic feeling! I suffered this two years ago. At that time, the 17-year-old boy cried a lot, suffered a lot, and eventually fell deep into depression. It took me a year to fully recover and continue my life. But now, I can't even cry. I want to cry, I surely do, but I can't. I'm pretty much like a time bomb; the only discrepancy is that I myself don't even know when it will explode. All the energy, the feelings just wait to come out, but I've managed to hold them back. I try so hard to keep all of these feelings for myself under the happy mask I've created, hoping that someday the situation will get better.  

Damn, what am I groaning about? This is the path that I've chosen, the sin that I've been atoning for. I can make a decision for myself, create an opportunity if I want to, but I cannot apply the same technique in love. Honestly, I'm so dumb on this subject... Well, this should be long enough. I'd rather improve myself day by day. I just want you to know that there will always be me standing behind you and supporting every decision you make. More importantly, remember, I'm still waiting for you.